I had my pump removed this morning. I am very thankful for that! I had posted on Facebook that the side effects are not too bad, that was mostly true up to that point. However, I woke up at about 0300 in a lot of discomfort. Now sure what the deal was, but it was more or less a stomach ache... I ate some crackers and drank a bunch of water, and was able to get back to sleep around 0400. I felt pretty lousy all the way up to Grand Rapids and back. In fact I didn't feel better until a nice long nap this mid-morning/afternoon. Now I'm fine!
So overall the side effects that I have felt so far are the following:
- sensitive to cold. Hurts to touch cold things. Can't drink cold things. Even breathing cold air is uncomfortable (hurry up, spring!)
- the first bite of food hurt my molars all the way to my jawbone. It reminded me if having a new filling and touching a metal fork to it. The nurse said they hadn't heard that one before.
- I had a general feeling if light-headedness that I originally attributed to the chemo, I have since discovered that I took Tylenol PM instead of regular Tylenol! Oops... That might make a bit of difference...
Anyway, I still maintain that this isn't too bad as long as this the way it will be. I have found some other people with blogs similar to mine (not near as entertaining, though) as far as discovering their cancer at a later stage, and still conquering it. It helps to see that others have been down the same road, and knowing you are not blazing a completely new trail.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
First Chemo Treatment/Capt. Chemo
As I put as my Facebook status this afternoon. "Call me... Captain Chemo; cancer killer."
My first treatment is ok so far. It was very short notice getting in here today. Things moved along a little slowly because they kind of shoe-horned me into the schedule today. (My nurse today will not be my nurse for the rest of my treatments.) My biggest adverse reaction so far has been the Benadryl that they gave me as a precaution. Sometimes people have reaction to the first medicine they gave me (I can't remember the name.)
I hate Benadryl. It makes me very tired and light headed. Which is why people give it to their kids on long trips. We tried that once, but it had the opposite effect of what we wanted! They stayed awake all night in the car crying! Never gain...
Everyone has been very nice, and supportive. I even got to watch the last two periods of the USA/Canada gold medal women's hockey game. Too bad Canada won... This is one sport where the women's game is just as good as the men's (I know that sounds chauvinistic, but have you ever watched the WNBA? It's nothing like the mens game) The women play just as hard and fast as the men, just without the body checking. That being said, the refs didn't do the Americans any favors at the end of the game... The nurses kept coming by my station to ask how the game was going, and for details. I thought that was pretty cool, because no one even knew the game was on before I got here. I guess my enthusiasm was contagious.
This is the first session of 12. That takes me to the middle of July before it's over. I'm not exactly sure what comes after that. I'm sure there will be tests, and whatever to determine the next steps... I'm just happy to get going...
Captain Chemo signing off....
My first treatment is ok so far. It was very short notice getting in here today. Things moved along a little slowly because they kind of shoe-horned me into the schedule today. (My nurse today will not be my nurse for the rest of my treatments.) My biggest adverse reaction so far has been the Benadryl that they gave me as a precaution. Sometimes people have reaction to the first medicine they gave me (I can't remember the name.)
I hate Benadryl. It makes me very tired and light headed. Which is why people give it to their kids on long trips. We tried that once, but it had the opposite effect of what we wanted! They stayed awake all night in the car crying! Never gain...
Everyone has been very nice, and supportive. I even got to watch the last two periods of the USA/Canada gold medal women's hockey game. Too bad Canada won... This is one sport where the women's game is just as good as the men's (I know that sounds chauvinistic, but have you ever watched the WNBA? It's nothing like the mens game) The women play just as hard and fast as the men, just without the body checking. That being said, the refs didn't do the Americans any favors at the end of the game... The nurses kept coming by my station to ask how the game was going, and for details. I thought that was pretty cool, because no one even knew the game was on before I got here. I guess my enthusiasm was contagious.
This is the first session of 12. That takes me to the middle of July before it's over. I'm not exactly sure what comes after that. I'm sure there will be tests, and whatever to determine the next steps... I'm just happy to get going...
Captain Chemo signing off....
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
What a day may hold...
You never know where your day may take you. I had spent the previous three workdays (Thursday, Friday, and Monday) calling the Cancer Center asking for results or this particular test they were running because o my elevated CA19-9 level. Today, I just wanted to go to work
I was sick of asking, so I didn't make my traditional 9am call. I didn't make my 11:30am call (gotta catch 'em before lunch), I just went about my business doing service calls in Grand Rapids, and then Lansing. It wasn't until I finished my call in Lansing that I figured enough already, and called in. I called the main line, and was told a nurse would call me back. I called the number for the financial assistant that was assigned to me, but she didn't answer. I called several times within an hour. I got no where.
I finally got the call just before 5pm that is was colon cancer and NOT pancreatic cancer. I know I've said it before, but i feels weird to be thankful for colon cancer, but compared to the alternative, this is the best I could hope for!
I've remained pretty calm though out this whole affair. I've only lost sleep one night in the past month (that's how long I've known about this). I've said it before; I'm not afraid to die, but I fear for my family. I do not want my children to resent God because I "abandoned" them. So i have a lot to live for, and will continue to fight
tooth and nail as long as I can. For whatever reason I feel pretty confident that this is going to work out. I wish everyone else felt the same way.
Angela took Calvin to the doctor with an earache this morning, it's the same office that my primary doc resides in. Angela mentioned what was going on with me to her, so she looked up my charts (Spectrum is huge, ain't it?) I wish she would have had something encouraging to say. Instead she was asking Angela if my will was in order! Thank you so much! I choose to believe the oncologist, you know the guy who does this for a living, when he says I have a decent chance of beating this. Not the family physician who was just absorbing this for the first time, I'm not so naive to think that stage IV cancer is not a monumental obstacle to overcome, but I'm not accustomed to losing... I do not plan on losing here either!
I was sick of asking, so I didn't make my traditional 9am call. I didn't make my 11:30am call (gotta catch 'em before lunch), I just went about my business doing service calls in Grand Rapids, and then Lansing. It wasn't until I finished my call in Lansing that I figured enough already, and called in. I called the main line, and was told a nurse would call me back. I called the number for the financial assistant that was assigned to me, but she didn't answer. I called several times within an hour. I got no where.
I finally got the call just before 5pm that is was colon cancer and NOT pancreatic cancer. I know I've said it before, but i feels weird to be thankful for colon cancer, but compared to the alternative, this is the best I could hope for!
I've remained pretty calm though out this whole affair. I've only lost sleep one night in the past month (that's how long I've known about this). I've said it before; I'm not afraid to die, but I fear for my family. I do not want my children to resent God because I "abandoned" them. So i have a lot to live for, and will continue to fight
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| This is what I fight for. Not the puppies... the people, don't be ridiculous | ! |
Angela took Calvin to the doctor with an earache this morning, it's the same office that my primary doc resides in. Angela mentioned what was going on with me to her, so she looked up my charts (Spectrum is huge, ain't it?) I wish she would have had something encouraging to say. Instead she was asking Angela if my will was in order! Thank you so much! I choose to believe the oncologist, you know the guy who does this for a living, when he says I have a decent chance of beating this. Not the family physician who was just absorbing this for the first time, I'm not so naive to think that stage IV cancer is not a monumental obstacle to overcome, but I'm not accustomed to losing... I do not plan on losing here either!
Monday, February 17, 2014
The reason for my long delay in posts (other than being lazy)
I was suppose to start chemo on last Thursday... That didn't happen. When I didn't get a call for a time, I started calling to see what was going on. I was told that the doc was still concerned about my CA19-9 level. This is carbohydrate antigen 19-9 according to wikipedia. It is elevated in people with pancreatic cancer. The doc says he couldn't ignore this even though the other tests were going my way. They are running some more tests on the biopsy material already collected... Oh snap! Guess what! Pancreatic cancer is back on the table... The good news is that there a several reasons for a false positive on the particular antigen. Such as:
"CA19-9 can be elevated in many types of gastrointestinal cancer, such as colorectal cancer, esophageal cancer and hepatocellular carcinoma.[1] Apart from cancer, elevated levels may also occur in pancreatitis, cirrhosis,[1] and diseases of the bile ducts.[1][5] It can be elevated in people with obstruction of the bile ducts.[5]"
So, I still l have no idea what is going on.. I didn't start chemo, I still (as of 1/17) have no idea what the results of the further tests are. What I do know is that you have to have the proper chemo for the type of cancer you have, So I need to be patient...
But that sucks...
"CA19-9 can be elevated in many types of gastrointestinal cancer, such as colorectal cancer, esophageal cancer and hepatocellular carcinoma.[1] Apart from cancer, elevated levels may also occur in pancreatitis, cirrhosis,[1] and diseases of the bile ducts.[1][5] It can be elevated in people with obstruction of the bile ducts.[5]"
So, I still l have no idea what is going on.. I didn't start chemo, I still (as of 1/17) have no idea what the results of the further tests are. What I do know is that you have to have the proper chemo for the type of cancer you have, So I need to be patient...
But that sucks...
The yo-yo continues to do it's thing...
Sorry for the delay. I'm almost caught up to the present... IF you know anyone who might want to know what's going on with my predicament, feel free to send them towards this blog. it is public, after all!
After the colonoscopy, we waited to meet with the nurses for consultation. This was the time to find out all the ins and outs of chemotherapy, and find out how to deal with them as best as possible. When we got there, the nurse was very pleasant, but the first thing she said was "Seeing that we have not determined to the origin of the cancer, we will need to discuss two possible solutions." I've always been a quick study so I didn't even need to asked to see that she meant they still thought pancreatic cancer was still on the table. I started to turn into a puddle at the bottom of my shoes right about then.
My wife Angela is much smarter that she, or anyone else, gives her credit. She could see across the table that to the date on the report that the nurse was reading from was three day prior to the colonoscopy results. She pointed it our before I could say anything. The nurse immediately stopped, and asked us to hold on for a moment while she left the room. he was gone for a while. When she came back, she oppoligzed for scaring us, and that "yes, the biopsy results were colon cancer."
I won't bore you with the details, but the short version is that I will probably be tired, I may get a little sick to my stomach, but no throwing up is allowed, I will be very sensitive to cold, and I cant go in the sun without SPF30... I didn't think that sounded too bad, really. I had to decide whether I wanted chemo on Wednesdays or Thursdays. I picked Thursday, and ws told I would start the following week. Once again, we left feeling pretty good!
After the colonoscopy, we waited to meet with the nurses for consultation. This was the time to find out all the ins and outs of chemotherapy, and find out how to deal with them as best as possible. When we got there, the nurse was very pleasant, but the first thing she said was "Seeing that we have not determined to the origin of the cancer, we will need to discuss two possible solutions." I've always been a quick study so I didn't even need to asked to see that she meant they still thought pancreatic cancer was still on the table. I started to turn into a puddle at the bottom of my shoes right about then.
My wife Angela is much smarter that she, or anyone else, gives her credit. She could see across the table that to the date on the report that the nurse was reading from was three day prior to the colonoscopy results. She pointed it our before I could say anything. The nurse immediately stopped, and asked us to hold on for a moment while she left the room. he was gone for a while. When she came back, she oppoligzed for scaring us, and that "yes, the biopsy results were colon cancer."
I won't bore you with the details, but the short version is that I will probably be tired, I may get a little sick to my stomach, but no throwing up is allowed, I will be very sensitive to cold, and I cant go in the sun without SPF30... I didn't think that sounded too bad, really. I had to decide whether I wanted chemo on Wednesdays or Thursdays. I picked Thursday, and ws told I would start the following week. Once again, we left feeling pretty good!
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Darth Vader or Locutus of Borg
I'm a sci-fi nut. I love Star Trek, Star Wars (ep. IV, V & VI, of course), Firefly, and pretty much any other well written (see why I hate ep. I, II, & III?) science fiction.. So when I had the procedure to have a port installed in my chest, the first thing I thought was "cool; cyborg!" This actually helped with the kids....
I had the procedure to have a port installed on Monday the 3rd. Pretty simple operation, really. It's a little metal and plastic disc that is just under the skin on the right side of my chest just below the collar bone. They use it to inject me with IV chemotherapy without putting a fresh needle in my elbow every time. The main reason they went this route, is so I can have a 46 hour chemo delivery and still be ambulatory. (This means I can still do stuff!) I'll have a little fanny pack, kinda like an insulin pump that I wear around for a couple of days every other week.
If you know me, you know I like to crack jokes, make odd observations, and just make people laugh as much as possible. According to Angela, I did my job well during the port installation. I really do not remember much from it, other than one time a nurse telling me to wake up because I was slipping a little too deep into sleep. But Angela says she could hear laughing often coming from the room! Mission accomplished!
Of course, when I came out of the meds, I was still a bit loopy. Angela drove home (It was another fine West Michigan winter day) I made her stop at one point so I could get her to take my picture on the snow bank...
The kids were a little freaked out when they saw the bandages. I can't really blame them, it looked pretty bad, there was a lot of bruising around the area, as you might expect... The thing that finally setteled the, down was pointing out that I was more like Darth Vader now. I made them fell the bump, and the little tube that actually is inserted into my jugular. Now it was cool!
I still reach up and touch it all the time. It's so strange to have something like that attached to your body... Resistance is futile.
I had the procedure to have a port installed on Monday the 3rd. Pretty simple operation, really. It's a little metal and plastic disc that is just under the skin on the right side of my chest just below the collar bone. They use it to inject me with IV chemotherapy without putting a fresh needle in my elbow every time. The main reason they went this route, is so I can have a 46 hour chemo delivery and still be ambulatory. (This means I can still do stuff!) I'll have a little fanny pack, kinda like an insulin pump that I wear around for a couple of days every other week.
If you know me, you know I like to crack jokes, make odd observations, and just make people laugh as much as possible. According to Angela, I did my job well during the port installation. I really do not remember much from it, other than one time a nurse telling me to wake up because I was slipping a little too deep into sleep. But Angela says she could hear laughing often coming from the room! Mission accomplished!
Of course, when I came out of the meds, I was still a bit loopy. Angela drove home (It was another fine West Michigan winter day) I made her stop at one point so I could get her to take my picture on the snow bank...
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| Don't ask me, I'm wasted! |
The kids were a little freaked out when they saw the bandages. I can't really blame them, it looked pretty bad, there was a lot of bruising around the area, as you might expect... The thing that finally setteled the, down was pointing out that I was more like Darth Vader now. I made them fell the bump, and the little tube that actually is inserted into my jugular. Now it was cool!
I still reach up and touch it all the time. It's so strange to have something like that attached to your body... Resistance is futile.
OK.... Now what?
You may find this amazing or crazy, but there has only been one night, just one, that I had a hard time sleeping because of all this... Parts of me wonder of that means I'm somehow psychotic... Oh wait, I think its called peace.
I'm almost caught up to the present at this point. pretty soon my updates are going to be new to everybody (including me). Some you you may have already heard all this directly from me... So it won't be long before there's something for everyone, as they say...
This missing piece to the puzzle is the colonoscopy. If you've never had one, count your blessings! It's not a good time. Actually, the colonoscopy itself is a breeze; it's the preparation that stinks! You have to drink a gallon of what is basically antifreeze... 8 ounces at a time every fifteen minuets until it's gone. Oh, and you have to fast for several hours before and, and several hours after. (I've lost over 15 pounds since all this started just from all the starvation diets I've been on!) The "cleansing" is terrible.. Sounds like fun, eh?
That being said, anybody over 50 should get checked out! Any family member of mine on either side should get checked out too. I'm 39, and that's a long way from the normal scheduled check. Research says it normally takes between 10 and 15 years for a polyp to develop into cancer. If that's the case, and this was the delivery method of my cancer, this started before I was 30! My oldest child is 10. (Do the math...)
What if I caught this somehow right at the beginning? If I found out I had cancer at 29, would we have pursued children? Would I have these 3 amazing, wonderful kids? If I had it to do over, I would choose finding out now, and having my kids every time. I pray that I'm not going to leave them early... I have two daughters that need to be walked down the aisle someday, and a son that wants to be a professional hockey player more than almost anything. (Even his "girlfriend" is a hockey player... she's a keeper!) I would very much like things to get back to normal, but I have no idea what normal is right now...
Anyway, I had my procedure, and it was OK. I went to sleep, and woke to a doctor explaining that it went really well. I got the results in less than 24 hours (I didn't think that was possible!), and the results said colon, and NOT pancreatic cancer! Praise God!!!
Next step; the port.
dun dun DUN!
I'm almost caught up to the present at this point. pretty soon my updates are going to be new to everybody (including me). Some you you may have already heard all this directly from me... So it won't be long before there's something for everyone, as they say...
This missing piece to the puzzle is the colonoscopy. If you've never had one, count your blessings! It's not a good time. Actually, the colonoscopy itself is a breeze; it's the preparation that stinks! You have to drink a gallon of what is basically antifreeze... 8 ounces at a time every fifteen minuets until it's gone. Oh, and you have to fast for several hours before and, and several hours after. (I've lost over 15 pounds since all this started just from all the starvation diets I've been on!) The "cleansing" is terrible.. Sounds like fun, eh?
That being said, anybody over 50 should get checked out! Any family member of mine on either side should get checked out too. I'm 39, and that's a long way from the normal scheduled check. Research says it normally takes between 10 and 15 years for a polyp to develop into cancer. If that's the case, and this was the delivery method of my cancer, this started before I was 30! My oldest child is 10. (Do the math...)
What if I caught this somehow right at the beginning? If I found out I had cancer at 29, would we have pursued children? Would I have these 3 amazing, wonderful kids? If I had it to do over, I would choose finding out now, and having my kids every time. I pray that I'm not going to leave them early... I have two daughters that need to be walked down the aisle someday, and a son that wants to be a professional hockey player more than almost anything. (Even his "girlfriend" is a hockey player... she's a keeper!) I would very much like things to get back to normal, but I have no idea what normal is right now...
Anyway, I had my procedure, and it was OK. I went to sleep, and woke to a doctor explaining that it went really well. I got the results in less than 24 hours (I didn't think that was possible!), and the results said colon, and NOT pancreatic cancer! Praise God!!!
Next step; the port.
dun dun DUN!
Biopsy day: good news and bad news...
They let me go home Wednesday afternoon... After being cooped up in the hospital for a few days, I forgot how snow you saps were getting!
I went back to work as soon as I could. My techs at Lakeland knew what was going on, but didn't know I was out. Bill had scheduled the work down there, but I took the call from them, because I thought it would be a cool surprise to just show up!
In typical fashion I was over a half hour late (even after leaving a half hour early because of the weather). Didn't mater, it was cool to lighten someones day just by not being dead. (That's about the easiest way to do it, eh?) It felt great to be useful again too. I know things will probably never be "normal" again, but I just want to pretend...
Friday was biopsy results day, and I was pretty anxious to get there and find out what was happening. At this point they had only performed a liver biopsy, and still had not scheduled a colonoscopy because of the dicey nature of my appendix. So we kinda knew the results wouldn't be complete... At this point I was still holding out some hope that the liver lesions were not cancerous.
Well, that didn't work out. It was conclusive that the spots on my liver were cancerous, and that it originated in my GI tract. There was also some blood test results, and this was where thing got a little scary (as if it wasn't already) I had elevated levels that could have indicated colon OR pancreatic cancer! However, the doctor said that he thought pancreatic was unlikely because the pancreas didn't look bad on the CT, and the colon had a very obvious tumor.
The really good news from this visit was what I was told about my situation regardless of what type of cancer it was. That was the fact that I had no actual symptoms, meaning all organ function was still normal, all my blood enzymes were normal, basically everything was fine with the exception of a big ol' ugly tumor on my colon, and a liver that looks like swiss cheese. The big deal here is that I'M NOT SICK! As the doc said "We do not have to kill a single cancer cell, all we have to do is keep it from spreading and you can live another 30 or 40 years easy!"
I picked up on that one sentence and ran with it. I walked out of there feeling pretty good. Angela walked out of there thinking about pancreatic cancer.
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| LRMC in St Joseph, MI |
I went back to work as soon as I could. My techs at Lakeland knew what was going on, but didn't know I was out. Bill had scheduled the work down there, but I took the call from them, because I thought it would be a cool surprise to just show up!
In typical fashion I was over a half hour late (even after leaving a half hour early because of the weather). Didn't mater, it was cool to lighten someones day just by not being dead. (That's about the easiest way to do it, eh?) It felt great to be useful again too. I know things will probably never be "normal" again, but I just want to pretend...
Friday was biopsy results day, and I was pretty anxious to get there and find out what was happening. At this point they had only performed a liver biopsy, and still had not scheduled a colonoscopy because of the dicey nature of my appendix. So we kinda knew the results wouldn't be complete... At this point I was still holding out some hope that the liver lesions were not cancerous.
Well, that didn't work out. It was conclusive that the spots on my liver were cancerous, and that it originated in my GI tract. There was also some blood test results, and this was where thing got a little scary (as if it wasn't already) I had elevated levels that could have indicated colon OR pancreatic cancer! However, the doctor said that he thought pancreatic was unlikely because the pancreas didn't look bad on the CT, and the colon had a very obvious tumor.
The really good news from this visit was what I was told about my situation regardless of what type of cancer it was. That was the fact that I had no actual symptoms, meaning all organ function was still normal, all my blood enzymes were normal, basically everything was fine with the exception of a big ol' ugly tumor on my colon, and a liver that looks like swiss cheese. The big deal here is that I'M NOT SICK! As the doc said "We do not have to kill a single cancer cell, all we have to do is keep it from spreading and you can live another 30 or 40 years easy!"
I picked up on that one sentence and ran with it. I walked out of there feeling pretty good. Angela walked out of there thinking about pancreatic cancer.
Monday, February 10, 2014
The best part about being in the hospital is going home!
They let me out on Wednesday (1/22). There was no way I would be getting test results back that day, and possibly now for the rest of the week. I made it known that I would very much like to go home. The only thing keeping me there was the IV antibiotics that I was on.One of the resident doctors said she would make it a point to see if I could get out of there. I told her I would add here to the Christmas card list if she could pull it off. SHE DID! She came back a few hours later, and said I could take the last of the antibiotics orally! I hadn't been so happy since this whole ordeal started...
We did send her a card, and she sent one back!
I learned something from this experience... I'm sure most of you know you should never send food back to the cook in a restaurant... Unless you like spit in you food... I think it's a similar mindset in the hospital. Do not complain, or provoke the people responsible for your health/safety. These people are sticking needles in your arms, liver, administering drugs, etc... Do you really want these people mad at you? I in no way mean to imply that they would behave inappropriately, or unprofessionally, but think about it... Happy people work harder than unhappy people...
We did send her a card, and she sent one back!
I learned something from this experience... I'm sure most of you know you should never send food back to the cook in a restaurant... Unless you like spit in you food... I think it's a similar mindset in the hospital. Do not complain, or provoke the people responsible for your health/safety. These people are sticking needles in your arms, liver, administering drugs, etc... Do you really want these people mad at you? I in no way mean to imply that they would behave inappropriately, or unprofessionally, but think about it... Happy people work harder than unhappy people...
At Least It's Not My Suck Thumb!
Abi was a thumb sucker from the womb. We have ultrasound pictures with her sucking her thumb. She is also a hopeless optimist. She can find something positive in almost any situation... When she was around 3 years old, she somehow smashed her thumb while playing outside. She came running to the house holding her bleeding thumb almost in hysterics.. It took a few minuets to calm her down and figure out what happened... Her response? "At least it's not my (sob) suck thumb!"
OK, Monday was terrible. I had a Xanax, and slept like a baby anyway. I was awakened Tuesday morning by someone shaking my leg. I found out that it was the oncologist. He had a MUCH different bedside manner than the surgeon from the day before. He, like every other doctor, wanted to hear my story on how I got there. He listened closely, and only stopped me a couple of times to ask for clarification. When I mentioned having cancer, he interrupted and raised his hand to say " wait a minuet! You don't know if you have cancer. We haven't biopsied anything!" I had a little hope restored... This guy wasn't all pie in the sky, he was careful to point out that my situation was very serious, but he also made sure that I had something to grab on to.
Let me stop now to say that I had something to grab on to the whole time. As a Christian, my hope does not come from man, regardless. Right from the beginning, the thought of dying was not one of my fears. (It still isn't!) Of course, I do not want to die, but I have no fear of what comes next or where I go from here...
The fact is, I was relieved that maybe I would be sticking around for a little while longer! They setup a liver biopsy for later that day. That was the first time I was "put under" since I had my tonsils out when I was four... They also drew a bunch of blood for more tests, and I went back to the waiting/holding pattern...
OK, Monday was terrible. I had a Xanax, and slept like a baby anyway. I was awakened Tuesday morning by someone shaking my leg. I found out that it was the oncologist. He had a MUCH different bedside manner than the surgeon from the day before. He, like every other doctor, wanted to hear my story on how I got there. He listened closely, and only stopped me a couple of times to ask for clarification. When I mentioned having cancer, he interrupted and raised his hand to say " wait a minuet! You don't know if you have cancer. We haven't biopsied anything!" I had a little hope restored... This guy wasn't all pie in the sky, he was careful to point out that my situation was very serious, but he also made sure that I had something to grab on to.
Let me stop now to say that I had something to grab on to the whole time. As a Christian, my hope does not come from man, regardless. Right from the beginning, the thought of dying was not one of my fears. (It still isn't!) Of course, I do not want to die, but I have no fear of what comes next or where I go from here...
The fact is, I was relieved that maybe I would be sticking around for a little while longer! They setup a liver biopsy for later that day. That was the first time I was "put under" since I had my tonsils out when I was four... They also drew a bunch of blood for more tests, and I went back to the waiting/holding pattern...
Monday's stink...
Everybody jokes about how bad Mondays are.... This Monday takes the cake.
OK, just to recap, I still didn't officially know what was going on. The "c" word had been said, but no further tests had been run other than that pre-op CT. All I have been doing is sitting around and waiting so far. All the doctors and nurses up to this point had been saying there would be no decision until Monday. They were waiting for the surgeon to come in Monday morning.
While I waited, someone thought it would be a good idea to get a CT on the rest of my torso (can't argue with that!) to make sure there wouldn't be anymore surprises. That came back clean, so no lung cancer...
I was warned by pretty much every nurse that day to be careful about the surgeon. I was told that I should be careful about asking him questions, because I may not like the answers I received... I should have heeded their advice. Dr Death came in a little after noon. (I still have not eaten since breakfast on Saturday...) He walked into the room introducing himself, and basically just stood there staring at me... I made the mistake of asking him "Well, what do ya think?" He said very flatly. "I think you have stage four colon cancer that had metastasized to your liver, and you probably have two to three years." He never looked away; never changed the expression on his face. Then he very flatly added "Sorry."
I said that I appreciated that he was honest in his opinion (I lied, I didn't appreciate this at all!) Dr Death threw me a life line at this point! He said "Of course, we haven't even got a biopsy yet, so there's no way to be sure." Oh good, maybe it's not so bad! "But I can count the number of times I've been wrong on one hand." YOU JERK! why do throw a life line out just to yank it back??!?
Monday was a very bad day. After the doctor left was the first time I shed a tear. All I could think about was what would happen to the kids and Angela. How could I leave behind three young, YOUNG children? They didn't deserve to lose their dad like this... I came close to losing it... I had been texting with an old friend that happens to be a nurse, and I sent him a message shortly after Dr D left. He gave me some very sound advice that I should ask for something to calm me down. I didn't even know how to ask, but I fumbled though it, and a doctor prescribed a Xanax. That was around 2PM...
Needless to say, I responded well to it! I slept so hard that night, that I had to be shook awake the next morning.
OK, just to recap, I still didn't officially know what was going on. The "c" word had been said, but no further tests had been run other than that pre-op CT. All I have been doing is sitting around and waiting so far. All the doctors and nurses up to this point had been saying there would be no decision until Monday. They were waiting for the surgeon to come in Monday morning.
While I waited, someone thought it would be a good idea to get a CT on the rest of my torso (can't argue with that!) to make sure there wouldn't be anymore surprises. That came back clean, so no lung cancer...
I was warned by pretty much every nurse that day to be careful about the surgeon. I was told that I should be careful about asking him questions, because I may not like the answers I received... I should have heeded their advice. Dr Death came in a little after noon. (I still have not eaten since breakfast on Saturday...) He walked into the room introducing himself, and basically just stood there staring at me... I made the mistake of asking him "Well, what do ya think?" He said very flatly. "I think you have stage four colon cancer that had metastasized to your liver, and you probably have two to three years." He never looked away; never changed the expression on his face. Then he very flatly added "Sorry."
I said that I appreciated that he was honest in his opinion (I lied, I didn't appreciate this at all!) Dr Death threw me a life line at this point! He said "Of course, we haven't even got a biopsy yet, so there's no way to be sure." Oh good, maybe it's not so bad! "But I can count the number of times I've been wrong on one hand." YOU JERK! why do throw a life line out just to yank it back??!?
Monday was a very bad day. After the doctor left was the first time I shed a tear. All I could think about was what would happen to the kids and Angela. How could I leave behind three young, YOUNG children? They didn't deserve to lose their dad like this... I came close to losing it... I had been texting with an old friend that happens to be a nurse, and I sent him a message shortly after Dr D left. He gave me some very sound advice that I should ask for something to calm me down. I didn't even know how to ask, but I fumbled though it, and a doctor prescribed a Xanax. That was around 2PM...
Needless to say, I responded well to it! I slept so hard that night, that I had to be shook awake the next morning.
Friday, February 7, 2014
I Think I'll Go Far a Walk!
You're not fooling anybody, you'll be stone dead in a moment!
Saturday passed without much more excitement. Several nurses came through, a couple of doctors, but there wasn't much to say. It was the weekend afterall, and that meant nobody wanted to make a hard desision. They put me on some heavy IV antibiotics to try to get my appendix to chill out. They did not want to remove it because that would mean I couldn't get chemotherepy for 8 week, and it was pretty much assumed i would going to need it at that time.
I noticed a lot of puppy dog eyes from the nurses at that time. I didn't like that, I didn't feel like I was that sick, I mean, I know what the scan showed, but other than an appendix flair up, I was fine... This was NOT denial! I fully understood what was happening, but it just seemed crazy, and everyone agreed. Every doctor and nurse that came in couldn't believe that I could be so sick, and have gone that far though this ordeal with no tangible symptoms! All my vitals were good, except my BP which would fluctuate from 119/70 to 150/99 depending on what news I had just received. At this point I hadn't been given so much as a Tylenol... I didn't need it. I had some pain, but not "admit me to the hospital, I'm dying" pain...
That was Saturday...
Sunday:
A whole bunch of waiting. I still hadn't posted anything on social media, I hadn't made too many calls, because there wasn't much definitive to say... I still didn't know if I was having surgery or what... I had a few visitors... Overall it was a long boring day. They allowed me to get up and walk around with my IV pole in tow. I took advantage of that! I was bored just sitting there... I did get to watch both the NFC and AFC championship games though, so that was nice. I scared a nurse half to death when she was telling me something unnecessary, just then, an interception was thrown in one of the football games, and I shouted "Oh no!" She stopped dead in the middle of her speech,and wanted to know what I objected to, I just pointed over her shoulder, at the TV on the wall....
Saturday passed without much more excitement. Several nurses came through, a couple of doctors, but there wasn't much to say. It was the weekend afterall, and that meant nobody wanted to make a hard desision. They put me on some heavy IV antibiotics to try to get my appendix to chill out. They did not want to remove it because that would mean I couldn't get chemotherepy for 8 week, and it was pretty much assumed i would going to need it at that time.
I noticed a lot of puppy dog eyes from the nurses at that time. I didn't like that, I didn't feel like I was that sick, I mean, I know what the scan showed, but other than an appendix flair up, I was fine... This was NOT denial! I fully understood what was happening, but it just seemed crazy, and everyone agreed. Every doctor and nurse that came in couldn't believe that I could be so sick, and have gone that far though this ordeal with no tangible symptoms! All my vitals were good, except my BP which would fluctuate from 119/70 to 150/99 depending on what news I had just received. At this point I hadn't been given so much as a Tylenol... I didn't need it. I had some pain, but not "admit me to the hospital, I'm dying" pain...
That was Saturday...
Sunday:
A whole bunch of waiting. I still hadn't posted anything on social media, I hadn't made too many calls, because there wasn't much definitive to say... I still didn't know if I was having surgery or what... I had a few visitors... Overall it was a long boring day. They allowed me to get up and walk around with my IV pole in tow. I took advantage of that! I was bored just sitting there... I did get to watch both the NFC and AFC championship games though, so that was nice. I scared a nurse half to death when she was telling me something unnecessary, just then, an interception was thrown in one of the football games, and I shouted "Oh no!" She stopped dead in the middle of her speech,and wanted to know what I objected to, I just pointed over her shoulder, at the TV on the wall....
A Change of Venue
In our previous episode, our hero just found out he may have colon cancer and that it appears to have spread to it liver... Let's see how he reacts! (we also replaced his regular coffee with Floger's Crystals)
I called Angela as soon as I found out. She was almost there, but I dropped my little bomb shell on her right then. That must have been pretty horrible to take it in like that while driving, but I couldn't hide the fact that something went very wrong from our previous conversations. They wanted to take me by ambulance to Spectrum in Grand Rapids! I reminded them that I drove myself there, and that I could drive to Grand Rapids too...
It's strange the things that enter your mind at a time like that. My first thought was that I needed to let Bill Fey know that I wouldn't be at work on Monday, and he would have to go to Traverse City for me. I also let my pastor know at about the same time. I was absolutely amazed when he showed up in what seemed like mere minuets! Not only that, but he had one of our deacons with him. Angela, and I got a look at the CT scan at this point. It looked pretty bad even to the untrained eye. I mean, a liver isn't supposed to look like a piece of swiss cheese, right? I called my parents at this point... That was less than fun. They didn't even know about the appendix issue, so it was all new for them!
Krystal came and picked up the kids, Cassie and Luke took care of my truck, and Angela and I drove up to Grand Rapids together. It was pretty surreal to just waltz into a hospital with a handful of papers, and have them put you in a bed and hook you up to an IV in just a few minuets! This is all on Saturday night... We didn't know what was going to happen; we didn't know for certain what kind of cancer (or if it even was cancer). We didn't know how long we would be there; we didn't know anything!
I called Angela as soon as I found out. She was almost there, but I dropped my little bomb shell on her right then. That must have been pretty horrible to take it in like that while driving, but I couldn't hide the fact that something went very wrong from our previous conversations. They wanted to take me by ambulance to Spectrum in Grand Rapids! I reminded them that I drove myself there, and that I could drive to Grand Rapids too...
It's strange the things that enter your mind at a time like that. My first thought was that I needed to let Bill Fey know that I wouldn't be at work on Monday, and he would have to go to Traverse City for me. I also let my pastor know at about the same time. I was absolutely amazed when he showed up in what seemed like mere minuets! Not only that, but he had one of our deacons with him. Angela, and I got a look at the CT scan at this point. It looked pretty bad even to the untrained eye. I mean, a liver isn't supposed to look like a piece of swiss cheese, right? I called my parents at this point... That was less than fun. They didn't even know about the appendix issue, so it was all new for them!
Krystal came and picked up the kids, Cassie and Luke took care of my truck, and Angela and I drove up to Grand Rapids together. It was pretty surreal to just waltz into a hospital with a handful of papers, and have them put you in a bed and hook you up to an IV in just a few minuets! This is all on Saturday night... We didn't know what was going to happen; we didn't know for certain what kind of cancer (or if it even was cancer). We didn't know how long we would be there; we didn't know anything!
It's not appendicitis, or a hernia
Mistake #1
I started to have some stomach pains a few years ago. Unlike most men, and my normal behavior, I did go to the doctor to get it checked out. I was told that I had some minor abdominal tears (hernia) and that I didn't really need to do anything about it if I could handle the discomfort. I didn't think it was too bad, so I decided to live with it..
Fast forward to last month: (1/18/14 to be exact)
As you know, we've had a little bit of snow this winter... I have been shoveling tons of snow out of my driveway. It seems like the snow will never end BUT, it may have saved my life! All that shoveling caused me to strain my stomach (so I though, anyway). I put up with it for about a week, before it changed. I woke up at about 4 am with a very localized pain half way between my navel and right hip. I was able to get back to sleep, but thought I may be headed to the hospital later that day. I had breakfast as normal, but skipped lunch. Angela and the kids had a birthday party to go to, so I figured I could drive myself to the hospital.
I went to Zeeland's emergency room, and they made a quick diagnosis of appendicitis. I was slapped on a table and hooked up to an IV. You have to be well hydrated to get a CT scan, and they do not operate on anybody with out a pre-op scan. I went in for my first ever CT (the first of many, I'm sure), and was wheeled back to my ER room to wait for the results. The ER doc came in and said he saw the CT frame with the appendix on it, and certainly irritated. At that point the anesthetist came in and started asking all the questions they ask before an operation.
I called Angela and let her know that I was going under the knife. At this point it was all fun and games at that point. We had talked earlier in the month about losing weight and had set numbers we would like to hit. I was joking about how much an appendix weighs, and how I was going to win our little contest. She was on her way so she could be there when I woke up. It was then that the doc came back, and had a totally different expression on his face. He said the Radiologist had looked over the scan, and there was much more going on. He showed me the full CT, it showed a large mass on my colon near my appendix (it was inflamed), and several spots on my liver.
It seemed like I could feel the tumor the second he said it.
I started to have some stomach pains a few years ago. Unlike most men, and my normal behavior, I did go to the doctor to get it checked out. I was told that I had some minor abdominal tears (hernia) and that I didn't really need to do anything about it if I could handle the discomfort. I didn't think it was too bad, so I decided to live with it..
Fast forward to last month: (1/18/14 to be exact)
As you know, we've had a little bit of snow this winter... I have been shoveling tons of snow out of my driveway. It seems like the snow will never end BUT, it may have saved my life! All that shoveling caused me to strain my stomach (so I though, anyway). I put up with it for about a week, before it changed. I woke up at about 4 am with a very localized pain half way between my navel and right hip. I was able to get back to sleep, but thought I may be headed to the hospital later that day. I had breakfast as normal, but skipped lunch. Angela and the kids had a birthday party to go to, so I figured I could drive myself to the hospital.
I went to Zeeland's emergency room, and they made a quick diagnosis of appendicitis. I was slapped on a table and hooked up to an IV. You have to be well hydrated to get a CT scan, and they do not operate on anybody with out a pre-op scan. I went in for my first ever CT (the first of many, I'm sure), and was wheeled back to my ER room to wait for the results. The ER doc came in and said he saw the CT frame with the appendix on it, and certainly irritated. At that point the anesthetist came in and started asking all the questions they ask before an operation.
I called Angela and let her know that I was going under the knife. At this point it was all fun and games at that point. We had talked earlier in the month about losing weight and had set numbers we would like to hit. I was joking about how much an appendix weighs, and how I was going to win our little contest. She was on her way so she could be there when I woke up. It was then that the doc came back, and had a totally different expression on his face. He said the Radiologist had looked over the scan, and there was much more going on. He showed me the full CT, it showed a large mass on my colon near my appendix (it was inflamed), and several spots on my liver.
It seemed like I could feel the tumor the second he said it.
OK where did we really begin?
If you're offended by my flippant attitude about having cancer, you may not like this blog. I have have had several people tell me I should open a "care page". I thought about it for a while, but those are a little too shall we say feminine for me... So I figured blogspot was the way to go!
I'll do think it's important to chronicle my experience, and already wish i would have started sooner, as some of the original details are starting to fade. I'm going to try to rewind the clock to the beginning, and bring it up to the present, and then give details, and insights as we move forward.
OK, the picture in the previous post is old, and I didn't make it up, but I've seen it floating around the internet... Anyway it was the first thing that popped into my head when I found out what was happening. I told it to Angela, and for some reason she didn't find it funny... Some people have a lousy sense of humor...
I'll do think it's important to chronicle my experience, and already wish i would have started sooner, as some of the original details are starting to fade. I'm going to try to rewind the clock to the beginning, and bring it up to the present, and then give details, and insights as we move forward.
OK, the picture in the previous post is old, and I didn't make it up, but I've seen it floating around the internet... Anyway it was the first thing that popped into my head when I found out what was happening. I told it to Angela, and for some reason she didn't find it funny... Some people have a lousy sense of humor...
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